some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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