Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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