Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
