her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
