Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
