Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
