There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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