hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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