I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
