Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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