I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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