I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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