Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
