You're completely useless in the revolution.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
