we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
His hands were made for my vagina.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
