Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
