that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
