I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
