Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
