I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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