I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
