yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize