he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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