I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
