i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
