The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
