Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
