Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
