i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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