My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Success! We fucked roommates!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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