Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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