My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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