just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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