We're like a lot better than the average bears
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
