Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
