I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize