Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
