oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize