well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Randomize
