My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
