Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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