where does the pee come out of this thing
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize