Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
