Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
