I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
