so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
