He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
zippers are such a cool invention
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
