Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dear god my vagina.
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