it wasn't lemon gatorade
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You're a waste of cheezeits
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
