so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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