If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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