Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
