i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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