A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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