I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's blow job season.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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