You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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