dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
