He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
