I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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