thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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