There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize