My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Vodka?
Forever.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
