Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
