I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Michael Bay diarrhea
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Congratulations! We have a period
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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