I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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