Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
