I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
