I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
