im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
