great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
