It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
