It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
