So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
