hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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