I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
